An Americano Walks Into a Personality Test

Remember the "what kind of person are you" tests you'd find in magazines in the '90s and 2000s? You'd answer questions with yes or no and find out if you were a "skirt, skorts or shorts girl". Or all the personality type tests you find online. They're probably useless, but I've always loved doing them. Because they're fun.

In that spirit I've recently wound up in different discussions about coffee and wondered: what, if ever, does your coffee order say about you?

My coffee culture was influenced by the Italian way. Growing up in Central Europe, I don't think you can avoid the Italian view on how coffee should be consumed. No cappuccinos after 10AM for example or the look of disgust when you order anything other than an espresso (which seems to be the only correct order apart from a ristretto if you are extra-intense & double maintenance). I didn't even realize I was raised a coffee snob. Filter coffee - an absolute no-go.

Enter the Americano - hot or iced?

I used to think that drinking Americanos was a sin for people who didn't understand coffee. Diluting a good espresso with hot (or even cold) water - creating a brownish liquid that could resemble water from bad water pipes was a mystery to me. A trip to Korea challenged this view, as I was surprised to find most of South Korea drinking "iced Americanos" all day every day (at least in Seoul and in K-dramas). Had I unknowingly adopted the point of view of an Italian Nonna at 30?

Legend has it the naming of the Americano goes back to the American soldiers in World War II, who supposedly ordered coffee, and needed it diluted as they were used to filter coffee. Is it a sin or actually an appreciation to elongate your espresso?

Over the past year, I've come to associate Americanos with people who actually enjoy the pure coffee flavor, appreciate the beans, the acidity, that don't just want to shot it, but savor it.

Enter the "Canadiano". "I've really come to like ordering Canadianos these days" a friend shared recently. Yes, apparently that's a thing on reddit, where people are avoiding the association with the USA and started calling the "Americano" - "Canadiano". What did this coffee beverage do, to be dragged into a political debate? I never thought your coffee order could become part of someone's identity or worldview.

What your coffee beverage says about you:

Ristretto - your personality is so intense you only need the concentrated essence of espresso. Secretly you need the 50:50 split of sugar and coffee ratio to keep your eyes open and that energy going.

Espresso - you're classy, chic and stick to the standard. You cannot have coffee in the afternoon, but that espresso after dinner always works. Sure Susan.

Americano - you're either a coffee sinner, the disappointment of an Italian nonna, an American stereotype, or influenced by the Korean hype. Or you're me, apparently.

Canadiano - What did the Americano ever do to you??????!!!!!

Latte - you're not here for the coffee, but the crackling fireplace, the IG-Story and the café-vibes. Your soul isn't as dark as your coffee, so you need that foamy warm milk to make the caffeine go down smoothly.

Decaf - your default is already high energy, so the caffeine only gives you the jitters. This one is for the experience, minus the flash.

So, what does your coffee order say about you?

Probably nothing, and even less than I'd like to think. But that won't keep me from judging your next coffee order. xoxo F